you grabbed my wrist
and pulled me into a hug

you made my day

spoken

In English class a little while ago, Mr. Tarmey asked us all why we procrastinate. Of course we all came back with the obvious reasons: too much extra-curriculars (which led to the putting after school activities as priority discussion), too much homework from all the teachers combined, and laziness and procrastination for the few who admitted to it. Well, today I called a friend and voiced a thought that had been bothering me every now and then since that class. Though some of those other reasons apply to me without a doubt, one of the biggest reasons that I personally wait and put off work, especially critiques and other large papers, is because it gives me an excuse. When I wait until the last minute, even though it is my fault, there is a solid reason why I got the grade that I did. I am afraid. Fearful that if I put significant amounts of time and effort into research that brings me into the murky, pithy depths of a topic, giving all of my time and effort into a product that I should be proud of, that the grade will not be satisfactory simply because my best wasn't good enough.

So there's my fear, and now that it's spoken, maybe I can overcome it- realizing that my best can get better with time.