bored?

I was told I had to write a college essay. I wrote. I edited, I spoke using words I thought to be insightful and uniquely my own. I am told it is too broad. I am told to inject more of "me" into it as though I am a medicine to cure those who read thousands of essays and need to rid themselves of boredom as though it is a common cold.

Alright.
I won't bore you.

PBS National Parks Special

The immensities and humbling beauties of nature hold "sanctity that shames our religions." (Ralph Waldo Emmerson)

guidance

I've been thinking about a quote from Albus Dumbledore that goes something along the lines of (I'm too lazy to go up and flip through the pages to find the definite version): "What better way to spend my life than by passing on knowledge to others." It is an explanation for his decision to become a teacher... a thought that I have rolled over in my head many different times over the past couple years since I first read it. What better way indeed. At first I was going to be a music teacher. That didn't work out so well. Music is a passion, not a job for me- and I don't want it to become work. But I still want to impact people's lives (obviously for the better). Maybe a guidance counselor or another type of teacher... psychology or english. who knows.

on stage

From opening night
to the last curtain call
the adrenaline...

bright lights glare- brilliant and clear
muscle memory takes hold,
onlookers grin involuntarily
actors look through the eyes of another.

How natural to perform

How beautiful to hear laughter
the joy of entertaining

I'm sick

I got home from rehearsal at SCT around 10:20 tonight. As I'm sitting on the couch with my father, he asks, "so what's going on tomorrow," to which I answered: "well, since I'm sick, I'm not going to talk all morning until I get to Singers when Mr. Nerbonne is going to test our ranges and I will be switched with one of the tenors since my voice will be lower then all of theirs..." After he was done grinning foolishly at me (we're both tired), dad then says "can I read my book now?" to which I answered: "well I'm not the one asking the questions am I?" Now we're sitting in mutual, silent companionship as he immerses himself in his book and I stare unproductively down at my english homework...

Perspective

Your
Perception
is your
Reality

~Mrs. King's psych class

racing time

At the beginning of the school year I had planned to go running three times a week, preferably tuesday, wednesday, and saturday... so far that plan has failed. But only because I am too busy.

Unfortunately, it seems as though my life is too busy. I told a friend that we'd hang out this weekend and it didn't happen. I was supposed to start my piano students up this weekend and it didn't happen. I've been meaning to write my BU essay and it hasn't happened. And yet, somehow, during all the business I stay calm, take moments to collect myself, and perhaps tomorrow time won't slip through my fingers like water. I'll get it all done.

P.S. Today I went on a run :)

finding your core

So today I had my first real gymnastics class (as you can probably tell from my updated profile picture...) and we were told all about finding your core, your center, a calm, steady balance. And all of a sudden my legs went up, my arms went down, and my body simply fell (or flew) into a handstand- like the last piece to a puzzle. I was so surprised that I almost let go and came toppling down, but I held myself upside down for a few more seconds before righting myself.

Isn't it funny how you can be so confused, whether it's something about math or something else about dance, anything really, and all of a sudden, the light bulb is flashing and the something clicks? I think we too often block out the click and let our confusion/stress overwhelm everything else. I know I do. Maybe all it takes is a couple handstands and some good old balance...

Choked

My throat is kind of tight and my head is spinning around the disorganized mess of countless tasks that I have to do concerning college, high school, and piano, which essentially means the expansive amount of life that I and everyone else my age or any other age deals with. I feel as though I have a headache that's coming on, but that has been coming on since before summer started.

So, I did what helps clear my thoughts a little. I let every little thing that is bothering me, poking me on the shoulder for attention, spill out onto a piece of paper. No particular order. Everything from calling my dance teacher to writing supplemental college essays. I recommend it, it's very cleansing, even if it takes a few minutes out of the time you could be calling or writing. And I mean, come on, how productive would those couple minutes have been anyway? Right now, at least for me, trying to sit down to work on any one thing takes a good ten minutes to concentrate and pry my focus off of the hundreds of other problems and thoughts running rampant across my conscious.

If you're reading this, take a second, stop.

Let go of every little worry and thought.

and
br e a t h e


I wrote down a quote from my physics teacher today. He said, "Half of life is just being there." That means physically and mentally.

midnight

midnight has passed
it was eleven minutes ago,
the morning is young,
and the clock doesn't slow,

the clock doesn't stop,
the minutes keep passing,
and my mind is wandering,
and the dark seems everlasting,

where will I go,
if I surrender to my dreams,
if I let my eyes close,
if this waking world I leave?